Sunday, September 20, 2009

Were they kidding?

Top Chef Ranch Episode

The elimination challenge for last weeks' episode of Top Chef was cooking dinner for a bunch of ranch hands, outdoors in the middle of a ranch near Vegas.
"Wah wah wah," the contestants whined. "It's hot," "No kitchen!" they cried.
Then they boggled my mind as they whipped up a variety of crap never before heard of on a ranch. Ceviche? Fish? Grilled Romaine?? What the fuhhh?
There was no beef. Not a speck.
One cheftestant actually made a coconut flavored ceviche, with a room-temp coconut milk mojito on the side. EEUUWWWW!
You want to win a damn ranch hand challenge?
Okay, you grill a mess of bone-in ribeyes, some sweet corn still in the shuck, a pot of spicy borracho beans, and a cast iron skillet full of cornbread.
Jesus. How hard is that?
I've never worked on a ranch, but I have been on ranches and the last thing ranch hands want for dinner is a sliver of amberjack with sous-vide baby octopus sauce, on a bed of candied fennel bulbs with a parsnip souffle on the side.
Get real!


  1. A big old pot of that French beef stew you make and some buttery grilled rolls of some type would have been better.


  2. now, i'm no food expert, but i looked at all that fish, and i thought, that shit's gonna go bad in that heat! better to go with s'mores than ceviche.

    p.s. i think the final 4 will be the 2 brothers, the bitchy blond girl, and the short guy with the beard. there's no reality involved in reality shows, it's all about the drama. 2 competitive brothers--who could ask for more drama than that? who will the family root for? gotta have a bitchy girl. the little guy with the beard is the underdog, because he wasn't formally trained, and the audience needs an underdog to root for.

  3. I cold not believe that beef was not cooked by any of them. It's like they thought it was a badge of honor not cooking it. But alas they were oh so wrong. I half expected that guy from Haiti to do chowder again, the sooner that ass clown if off that show the better. And to be honest, I don't think too much of that guest judge they had. He's not a real chef to me, his big thing is grilling big slabs of beef and or pork, hell I could do that shit, he stank on Top Chef Masters and he stank on Top Chef Las Vegas.

  4. That chef from Ft. Worth did stink.
    Fort Worth is all about meat and that's about it. It's a hell-hole.
    That Haitian guy and his for-shit coconut ceviche-- he's gotta go.
    Sis that boeuf stew takes about 4 hours to make so it wouldnt be done in time for the challenge.
    I like the bitchy blonde girl who is so serious when she smiles it looks all crooked, like something broke. She can cook.
    As for the brothers, I like the one who keeps winning--better temperament.

  5. This episode was a total no-brainer -- salt and pepper a hunk of beef and throw it on the fire -- and they all missed the perfect opportunity. I do think this season has the best group of chefs, and the final four will be the V brothers, Jen (bitchy blonde), and Kevin (bearded guy). Once a bit more of the chaff gets eliminated it should be more interesting. Jen's comment about the escargot was priceless, "Whoever first looked at snails and thought they were edible must have been pretty fuckin' hungry."

  6. Damn it, you are making me hungry and I am trying to stay on a diet.

    Blogrolled this new endeavor! ;)

  7. I wish to hell my friend Pagie could have been in on that challenge. She actually took a course when she was at Texas A&M called "Meat 101."
    Her grilling skills are legendary. She once grilled an entire beef tenderloin and it was so tender you could cut it with a 3x5 card.
    She would not have cooked fuckin' fish, that's for sure.